as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
