So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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