They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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