At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
