Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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