She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
