I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
