Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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