My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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