I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
