Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I lost the right to judge tonight
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
