i want to swaddle you in tequila
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
