There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
