another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
