Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
