just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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