I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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