How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
