and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just had sex on a roof
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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