And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
