My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
