I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
