What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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