So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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