Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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