then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
