I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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