All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
