I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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