Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
