The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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