she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
People in love make me want to vomit
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
