If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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