Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
