I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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