Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
