Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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