i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
