Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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