Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
