new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
