sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
