Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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