i came on her dog
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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