Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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