so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
As shirtless as possible
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
