R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
