no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
