Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
