Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
