Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
