I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need water and some morals
Randomize
