I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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