Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How's work?
Spinning.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
