I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
