i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
