why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
